Thursday, April 24, 2014

Living the Dream


2/28/14
I'm Living My Dream!
There is a lot I want to write about, and a lot of it will be fun and not very serious. But, I also want to share some of the serious thoughts, realizations, and paradigm shifts that I have been experiencing lately.
I am living my dream!
It took me months and months to realize that simple fact. You would think it would be obvious to a person when they were spending every day doing the things they love most to do. Nonetheless, it took me months to see that I am doing just that, and have been for years.
There are so many things that factor into this realization, that I can't narrow down when it began. I have been studying “Thomas Jefferson Education” learn more here and have been trying to use the knowledge from it to shape my life. I believe that we all have a mission here in life, and I began to ponder and search for my personal mission. As it is with many stages of life, I noticed that everyone around me seemed to be in, or had recently gone through a similar stage. Everyone was learning who they were. They were defining what would make them happy and they were reaching for those things.
I discussed with them the changes I saw. Discussed the whys and hows and whens of their changes. I saw the way they were inspired and dedicated and I felt so lost. I wanted that inspiration, that drive and ambition to do MORE. I wanted to do everything they were doing- but I mostly wanted to find MY drive. I wanted to know what I should be doing. And so I kept searching.
My dear family and especially my husband were so good to follow me on my journey. I insisted to my husband that my home and family life were simply not ENOUGH and that I needed to find the thing that would give ME, LYDIA a sense of completion and would make me who I am. Philip patiently listened as I spilled out plan after plan after plan of all the things I would do to make me, ME. He graciously supported me in declaring that I could not be JUST a mom and a wife and insisted on being given the freedom to do more. To be LYDIA first, wife and mother second. He stepped up and filled in the gaps I was leaving as I was looking for the thing that would fulfill me.
And then, over time, it hit me. This quest was making me miserable. Time and time again, what I wanted most was to cuddle my kids in my lap and read to them. I wanted to organize and clean the house and see to it that order was maintained. I wanted to kiss and hug and talk to my husband. The more I tried to find the Lydia that was not just a wife and a mother, the more I craved the wife and mother moments. My soul ached for them and they became all I ever wanted.
Then it hit me. They ARE all I ever wanted!
As a kid, I dreamed of my future and I saw a husband and children and me as a teacher. I knew from such a young age that what I wanted most was to be a mom. Secondly, I would be a teacher and an artist. I even considered being a pediatrician. But all my plans, all my dreams centered around the work I could do for and with children. Being a mom is ALL I EVER WANTED!!!
And now, I am fortunate to realize that in order to live my dream I don't need more of any NEW thing. I need more appreciation and dedication to the things I already have and love.
My dream is fulfilled in the deep and meaningful conversations I have with my kids as they contemplate this life and how things in it work.
My dream is fulfilled as I follow my husband in all of our ups and downs and know that he is always by my side.
My dream is fulfilled in my growing belly that swims with life.
My dream is fulfilled in knock knock jokes and tickles and adventures of my children's lives.
My dream is fulfilled in the quiet hours of reading to my kids as they drift to sleep.
My dream is fulfilled in homeschooling and finding learning in all aspects of life.
My dream is fulfilled in blogging and scrapbooking and taking pictures of all the moments that become a lifetime of memories.
My dream is fulfilled in being me; Lydia, wife, mother, sister, friend, artist, teacher, photographer, writer, reader, ME!

As I have realized my mission and my dream in life and as I have been living them with more purpose and drive. I could not be happier. I wish I could find these dreams for everyone and bask in the happiness they find as they live their dreams. We are working on recognizing Philip's dream and will jump at the chance to fulfill it as fully as we can, once it is recognized. As my children dream I work to provide them with every resource I can to allow them to live their dreams. I know that not everybody's dream is complete with being a mom. What a boring world it would be if we all had the same mission in life. I know that there are people who feel like having a dream other than that of being a mom somehow lessens the mother that they are. I wish you could see how that concept is a lie. You can be your greatest by living your dream. And when you are your greatest, you will be a better mom. Even with a dream of being a mom, I was not doing as well as I could until I decided to live my dream fully. I wish you all happiness and fulfillment as you find your own dreams and work to make them a reality.

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