Emotions

3-1-14

An Absorber of Emotion

I remember once a brief mention by someone at church about depression. Her actual words are lost to me, but they conveyed to me a most interesting concept. That those who experience depression are a gift to others. Because those who experience depression absorb the feelings of others and hold them so that the others don't have to.
Is anyone else an absorber of emotions? Do you feel what others feel? Do you understand them even when they don't understand themselves? Have you ever walked through a store and seen a complete stranger and felt a connection. Nothing like a love-at-first sight, a very different connection. As if, by just being in the presence of that person, you could feel what they felt. Sometimes a story comes along with in and you understand why they are feeling the way they do. Sometimes, all you get is the pain. You smile at them, and it is so much more than a friendly gesture. You offer them true empathy. You really are feeling their pain.

The trouble, for me has lied in what to do with that pain. I sometimes become so enveloped in emotions that I feel as if I were drowning in them. My dear, sweet husband has been an anchor for me in these times from the beginning of our courtship. I often tell him that I need him, because he can stop me from spinning. Tonight, he did so much more.

I was in one of those attacks of emotions. My world had shifted out from under me and though we were at a better angle, I was losing balance and falling head over heels. I tried to explain this feeling to Philip. He encouraged me to pray, to let go, and to fill my thoughts with happiness. It wasn't until we were saying our prayers together that his words came together in completeness and truth. The things he told me came to me in “Lydia words” and it all made sense.

I will share it with you, in case “Lydia words” are the words that make sense to you too.

I don't have to feel this pain. I don't have to, because Christ already experienced it for me. And, what's more, he doesn't want me to feel it. He wants to take it from me so that I can find completion and joy and happiness through Him. Ask and ye shall receive, knock and it shall be given unto you. He would gladly take the suffocating emotions from me if I just asked Him to. So, I started big. “I feel so hurt and afraid because of ______. I know that Christ has already felt these things so that I don't have to. I know that the person has repented and they won't have to feel the pain they caused me either. So, please take this pain away from me so that I can be happy instead. Please replace this pain with the love I feel for this person, with this person's smile and these special moments. When I think of this situation please help me to feel the joy of these special moments instead of the pain that you have already taken from me.”

And, it works. I think so often we hold on to our pain because without it, we feel void. We feel an emptiness inside and we don't know how to fill it. And rather than feel that emptiness, we accept the pain and sadness. I think that was my biggest problem before. I would try to let go of things before, but the emptiness that letting go left me with was it's own kind of pain. So I learned to hold on to the pain. Now, I am learning a new way. A way to let go of the pain and fill the emptiness.

I am so grateful to be blessed with the ability to read and understand people. I am so grateful to be blessed with the emotions that come with a tender heart. I am grateful for Philip and all that he does to help me learn and care for and understand how to make my body and spirit one. I am grateful for my Heavenly Father and His loving guidance. I am so incredibly grateful for my Savior, Jesus Christ and all His atonement. I am grateful that He was willing to sacrifice and take our sins and sorrows upon Himself. I am grateful, that through Him I can be made whole again. “Then sings my soul, my Savior, God to thee. How great thou art! How great thou art!”