Sunday, November 13, 2011

Gratitude Turkeys

Our Gratitude Turkeys























For our family lesson today we learned about gratitude and thanksgiving. TLOML started with a talk by President Marion G. Romney (found in the Nov. 1985 Friend). Then we read a gratitude poem and talked about gratitude. Then we made our gratitude turkeys (I had seen the idea on pinterest- and though I cant find the original blog I looked at, it had a turkey like this http://www.parents.com/holiday/thanksgiving/crafts/adorable-thankful-crafts/?page=13 ). We then "stuffed" our turkeys with strips of paper listing what we are thankful for. We will continue to stuff our turkeys throughout the month. 
DTE loves crafting her turkey
DTY is developing beginning spelling skills
TB is grateful for naps! (Mommy is grateful when he naps also)

BRFDAAS= Birthdays as spelled by DTY

 Some of the things we are grateful for:
Family
Home
Toys
Prayer
DVDs
Crayons
Birthdays
and the gospel


Saturday, November 12, 2011

Wow!

(note: this is a long post, and it's not even a fun and happy story. But because I want this blog to be about our family and to my family, I chose to share these thoughts here. Feel free to read it or skip it- I just needed to record it.)

Wow! That's what I keep repeating in my head and aloud to my husband. Wow! Total paradigm shift! I see things differently now and I keep looking at aspects of my life and seeing how this mindframe has applied to those areas. Wow!
At some point in my "date" with my husband I realized that my mental expectations of "my perfect husband" and TLOML were very different people. At that point, I was certain that was entirely HIS fault and truly felt that if he loved me enough he could be more like "my perfect husband". And, while feeling this way, I also believed myself to be reasonable, right, and justified in my expectations. I wasn't trying to change who my husband was, I was just trying to help him see that when he is his "best self" he is better.
I tried and tried to express to him how I felt- tried to tell him that I needed things to be different but I wasn't asking him to change. (it didn't work!) He left our room, and the conversation hurt and I didn't really understand why.

Then, I began to see things differently. This is where the first shift took place. I saw myself as I am now and realized I am broken. Instantly I have three images in my head. One is a beautiful clear glass sphere- radiating light, beauty, love and happiness. Another is shattered glass.  And, the other is a crackled glass vase. Each of them represents me. I was the sphere. I was happy, I loved life, and I loved ME! It's hard to remember when that stopped - I remember when I had it, but can't recognize when I lost it. Perhaps that is because it was not all lost at once- I am sure there are several things in life that clouded, scratched, and broke off pieces of myself. Some of them were words and actions of others, some of them were choices of my own, some of them were just the trials of life. But, throughout time, I lost what I was completely. I became the shattered glass. I became broken. Again it is hard to pinpoint a time in my life when this broken began to define me. Unlike the rock that broke the glass in my mental picture, it was not a single blow that broke me and it can not be a single repair that will fix me. So, we have me now. I am the crackled glass. I am no longer in pieces, I even present with a smooth exterior. But inside I am still cracked. Sometimes those cracks heal and the inside becomes a bit smoother, sometimes they are re-damaged and the cracks become large, sometimes my light and beauty shine brightly, other times I am very dim. Knowing this I realized what I was asking of my husband- not to fix HIMSELF but to help me continue to fix ME! Help me to smooth and repair those cracks.

Second shift is even bigger than the first. I began to see that I was creating the separation between "my perfect husband" and TLOML. Not that I was making my husband into who he is, but that I was expecting him to be what I thought he should be. As much as I thought I wasn't, I was trying to change my husband (I thought he needed fixed, not me). I felt that my expectations were fair, because I wasn't expecting him to be perfect, just perfect for me. (It's not that my expectations have changed as much, but my understanding of what I expect has). I saw now, that I have several expectations of "perfect for me" things. I can easily pull up five or ten lists at any given moment of what I need to do to create these perfect for me things. (the perfect homeschool, the pefect laundry room, the perfect scrapbook, the perfect menu plan, the perfect chore chart, the perfect schedule, etc.) I realized that because I wasn't ready to make all of these things perfect, I had settled for these things being less than average. (I do not have my perfect laundry room to do laundry in, for example, so my living room is always covered in laundry). I took the thought that anything worth doing is worth doing right to an unhealthy extreme. I wouldn't do things I couldn't do "perfectly". Nothing was perfect, because nothing was getting done. I'd spent so much time planning and preparing to make things perfect that I'd fall short of making things good, or even average. I have not yet thought of an aspect of my life that this does NOT apply to. Wow! Wow! I have really overlooked this for a long time, and it has seeped into every aspect of my life.

But no more! My new mantra to live by is "Don't allow your quest for perfection to cause you to settle for something less than average. Don't let yourself loose your battles before you've begun to fight them." It's a lot to live up to, but I'm trying not to worry and plan. I am trying to just try and work on it. I am hoping for a good, not perfect outcome. Because good is so much better than below average. Wow! So much better!

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Just Between Us

A friend of mine often shares thoughts and articles on breastfeeding, and after reading about it today I feel so full of gratitude that I can breastfeed my babies. I am realizing more and more how fortunate I am to be able to breastfeed my kids. And though I sometimes hate breastfeeding, it's been really easy (as far as not having complications). For the most part, I am not interested in debating the importance of breastfeeding. That decision is mine to make only for myself, not for others. I feed my kids breast milk from my breast, I feed them pumped breast milk, and I feed them formula. Then, when they are old enough I feed them foods. But, as I breastfeed I am grateful for the blessings of doing so. I am grateful for the memories and moments it creates for my kids and I. Moments that are just between us, that nobody else fully understands or has a part in.

When your baby looks up at you, with nipple in mouth and smiles so big that they loose the latch.

When your children find comfort from simply placing their hands down the neck of your shirt.

When TB pulls the collar of my shirt out and looks down at my breast as if he were browsing the fridge for the perfect snack.

When you and your baby both drowse off during a feeding session and you are awoken by the baby latching back on. (I love how startling a feeling that is- I'm never MORE easily alert and awaken.)

This morning, as I prepared to shower we had one of those moments, I lifted off my shirt and TB SQUEALED in delight at the sight of my breast. He started to make his "excited to eat" sounds and crawled over to me. As if the only reason in the world I would ever be naked is to make his job of eating easier.
"No pictures while I'm eating MOM!"
Just between us, I've never been prouder of my body than when I see it through the eyes of my babies- perfect, wonderful, and satisfying. I love being able to extend the life giving powers and blessings of pregnancy into the first year of my children's lives, not yet giving up the role of growing a healthy baby. These moments are why I am most grateful to be able to breastfeed my babies.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Kid For A (Partial) Day


This morning I decided to spend the whole day with my kids (we've been so busy with moving and such) and to let them direct our choices for the day. I was going to do my best to just do what they wanted, enjoy the world the way they enjoy it and basically, be a kid for a day.

Right after breakfast the girls asked to color on our dry erase board- so we did.








Then TB and I pulled cans off the pantry shelf.








We had fruit snacks.
Then we played "spin until you are dizzy!" which led to just dancing in front of the mirrors.
Then we cut out drawings the girls had colored the other day.

The girls asked to play on the computer so they each got on a computer and I went from one to the other playing along with them and watching them play.

 (This is where I do a quick share of a great website. A friend had recommended it and as soon as DTE saw that it was on our computer she was ecstatic! "YOU have STARFALL on YOUR computer?!!!!" Anyways, it's a great site that teaches phonic skills with fun games. It covers many levels and my girls would play it all day if I let them. Check it out- www.starfall.com ).



Then TB went down for a nap (so did I).
I got up and the girls wanted to use the new swirled frosting we had bought- but first we had to have something to decorate. So we baked some cookies.








While we were waiting for our cookies to cool we played candy land.








Then we decorated and ATE cookies.








Some TV and lunch and more TV.








Then we played outside- riding bikes, playing tag, exploring the garage, making sure our new yard was safe.

Back inside (because it is windy outside) read books for a while and more TV.








TV was getting kinda boring- so we added a game to our TV time- this time chutes and ladders.
Then back to the computer.
That's as far as I made it. 3:45- I clocked out as a kid and in as a mom. I made dinner, loaded the dishwasher and started a load of laundry. Being a kid, even for just part of the day was exhausting! I really had to work hard to just sit and enjoy the activities with my kids and not try to do something else while I was doing things with them. I LOVED it though! I loved having my girls sit on my lap, I loved how excited they got every time I said yes to them today. I loved just being with my kiddos all day!

Working It Out

I love the way kids work things out.

DTE told me today that she is going to have 10 girls and 10 boys.
Me: "ten plus ten is twenty. So you are going to have twenty kids?"
DTE: "Yes! (paused in thought) "I don't know if I can feed twenty kids"
DTY: (excitedly) "You can get a BIG table, then you can feed twenty kids!"

PROBLEM SOLVED!

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Keeping My Promise

I promised myself I would write on the first of every month- so here it is. First I want to remind everyone who I am talking about with my nickname abbreviations. There is me, and the love of my life (TLOML) and our three kids; Daughter the Elder (DTE), Daughter the younger (DTY) and The boy (TB).





So, an update...

I think we accidentally started a tradition of NOT going trick-or-treating. Every year we have been crazy busy and just don't really make it out to trick-or-treat. We do go to our churches trunk-or-treats though. This year we started what we hope to be another tradition- themed costumes. Thanks to a suggestion from a friend our family voted on being Dispicable Me characters. It was fun and we spent less than $40 on costumes. I think TLOML makes a very handsome Gru. Hope your Halloween was great. Enjoy your November!