Waves of Change

I wrote this several nights ago in my personal journal and wanted to share it here.

One of my favorite things to do at the beach is to sit near the water and dig a hole. I love the adventure of desperately trying to dig the largest hole I possibly can before a wave comes in and the sand and water rush in and fill my hole and frustrate my efforts.
I feel like that tonight. I feel like I'm striving and struggling to create a world of loveliness for me and my kids and my family. I'm trying to add, or change, or take things away from our lives to create our beautiful ideal world. And the whole time I know that I am racing the clock. I know that inevitably the tides of life will come in and things will change and I'll look on the "hole" I had and how it's filled with new things and again I start to dig and build and prepare for a new crashing wave.
Today I got news from a loved one that hit me in a way I never would have expected. Life changes! And today, I was forced to face just how quickly those changes come.
I've always been a reminiscent being. I often remember, review and evaluate the past. And as my day forced me to acknowledge how much things have changed I realized just how fast my "nows" are slipping into the past.
Today I spent time holding and comforting each of my kids. Their heartbreaks seemed trivial but not only were they real, the opened a way for all the realness of hurt they can't understand to flow through them. So, I held them. Each of them. For as long as they would let me I held them and while they mourned their little (to my perspective) upsets, I mourned how quickly they are leaving me. How quickly they are growing past the need of cuddling in my lap and crying things out.
Today I feel like the sands of time are flowing way too fast. I want desperately to slow them down and hold them back. I want to freeze my family in the ages/stages we're in long enough for me to truly soak them in until I feel I've at last truly appreciated them.
So, today I hugged my kids a little longer, I listened and watched a little more intently, and I tried harder to appreciate all the ups and downs, joys and sorrows, and blessings of our lives, as they are RIGHT NOW.