Doing It All (scratch that) Nothing At All

I woke up this morning. Fed the baby. Talked to/Skyped with my husband. Fed the baby again. Checked out Facebook and fed the baby. All the while, I was helping the kids as they came to me and needed things. It was a good morning!

And then...

I walked out to this. Apparently when I thought I was doing it all. I was really missing it all. All the fun the kids must have been having to make a mess this grand.

I wanted to freak out. I thought, "oh my goodness, I want to scream!"

And then, I realized. Mir will wake up.

That's it. That is all it took to take me from being on the verge of an emotional volcanic eruption, to a serene (picture taking) mellow pond. I was cool. I was collected. I took care of what I could. I didn't worry about the rest.

Then, Mir woke up. She checked her Facebook and did some other things. And then, she started cleaning my living room. Just like that, no questions asked. No complaint. I told the girls they needed to go clean up the clothes and once they started, Mir was right by their side cleaning too.

There is a special place in Heaven in my heart for Mir. I am always saying I don't know what I would do without her. But it is really so much more than that.

You see, I would have eventually gotten around to cleaning this living room myself. My kids would eventually have diapers changed, hair brushed and food cooked without Mir. I would somehow find a balance- a way to be a "single for deployment" mom of four kids.

But, I don't have to!!!!!

I have an amazing, selfless sister. She leaves behind the life she has established for herself at home and comes to me. She comes to my kids. She becomes a partner with our family; a third mom, the world's best aunt, a "thank God for Mir". (Nater toddler-spoke that last phrase today)

I was thinking about all of this as I took the picture, and later as she went right to cleaning and I thought, I can never repay her. That is when it sunk in. She isn't joking. Every time I thank her for all she does she responds that she will one day have kids and I will get to watch them for her. Today, I realized she means it and I will be babysitting for their entire life to pay her back.

I sure will be glad to do it.

Miranda, You are an amazing sister and a wonderful friend. I love having you here. I love the way you love my kids and take such good care of them. I love the way you are consistent when I can't be. I love that you are so easy going and put up with my indecisiveness. I love that you help out so much in the managing of my house. I love watching TV with you. I love sitting and talking with you. I love having a passenger in the front seat of the van. I love seeing the way my kids love you. Thank you so much for all that you do. For being here for me. For being my friend and sister. You are awesome!

Dear Emily

(I can't believe I am so late with this. I have thought about writing this entry almost daily for almost three weeks now. So here is my very late birthday letter to Emily)

Dear Emily,
Your birthday was almost 3 weeks ago and I feel like you are such a different person at five years old than you were at four! You work hard to make being five work towards your advantage. We often hear, "when I'm five (this new thing), but when I was four (the old way)." You mostly use this to show us how brave you are as a five year old. My favorite is that when you are five, you are not afraid of the dark like you were when you were four, which you say to try to convince yourself not to be afraid. But when we turn out the lights, you still cry (because the dark still is scary).

You at four

You at five

You like to find humor in situations and want to turn tears to laughter. You used to easily fall into my arms and cry things out. Now you want to shrug off your tears and be strong. When you have been crying and find a solution you will create laughter by saying, "tears! Get back in my eyes tears! Not on my face!" You also use the same method to practice self discipline when you are touching things you shouldn't, or hitting or kicking, or really any self discipline. You have a humorous conversation with your offending body part and work hard to make light of the situation. You like to tell and hear jokes. You and your sister share knock-knock jokes and often the punch line is something related to potty humor.
You are a natural mother. You are so nurturing and mothering to all of your siblings. You want to be in charge and, though you mimic me some, you often find your own way of doing things for your siblings. You especially like to help take care of William. Unless, he is crying. Then you bring him straight to me. You want a lot of kids and can't wait to have another sister. (you've decided that next we will have two girls at the same time from the same belly)
Emily, I love being your mom. I love seeing the love and kindness you have inside of you. I love watching as you try so hard to be a better person all the time. I love the clever way your mind works and the ideas you come up with. I love that you are so determined to get your way and that you try to compromise in all things so that you can have your way.

Thank you Emily for being you. Thank you for working so hard to figure out who you are and then having the integrity to be you, no matter how you are different from others. Thank you for loving our family so much. Thank you for trying so hard to take care of and nurture your siblings. You are a wonderful, beautiful person, inside and out. I love you so much! Happy birthday!

Love,
Mom

Magic And Memories

Do you remember the magic of childhood?
I have a lot of memories from when I was a child. My earliest clear memory was when I was only two- and there are a lot of things I remember since then. One of my most magical memories though, has always been remembering the time I saw the Nutcracker ballet. When I was in first grade we went on a field trip to see the Nutcracker. I remember sitting and watching the ballet in awe and wonderment. I recall vividly the excitement I felt as the tree grew above Clara, the merriment of the little dancers coming out from under the tall lady's dress, the nervousness of the battle between the nutcracker and the mouse king, and my distrust of Uncle Drosselmeyer. (It is that memory that makes me sad that I didn't have glasses until third grade because I think of how much better that ballet would have been if I could have seen it). I remember seeing some of the dancing mice in a hallway during the intermission of the show. I was amazed that they were MY age- just kids and they were performing for me. I have loved the Nutcracker ever since!

It is because of this memory that every time I see a billboard, poster, commercial or other advertisement for the Nutcracker a part of me longs to go. It is because of this memory that I decided that once my girls became old enough to appreciate and be able to sit through the performance, I would be taking them to see the Nutcracker. This year, I finally got my chance.

Dance Theater of Tennessee was performing one night only in Clarksville. In addition to that, they were offering a discounted rate for military families. I could take my girls to see the performance for only $30 (just more than what the ticket would cost me at full rate). I wanted to jump for joy, but really, I couldn't. I would have to buy the tickets at the door, and I was not sure I would actually be able to get them. I would allow myself to be truly excited only after I had tickets in my hand. For this reason also, I kept our destination secret from my girls. Try as they did, they could not guess where we would end up.

After a busy day of baking and crafting with good friends, we finally headed out on our date. We stopped first and got some dinner and then pulled up to the University. We had been by the building many times, but had never gone in. They were apprehensive about why we were at such a large building. I explained that it was a college and our date would take place inside. Alexis asked if she could wait outside as she was nervous because, "we aren't really old enough to go to college." As we entered the lobby the girls relaxed and discovered that we would be viewing the Nutcracker ballet. They read and looked through their programs and (not-so-patiently) waited for the house to open. (we had arrived very early due to my desire to get tickets and the girls speedy dinner) At last, the time came and we chose some seats. I sat and talked with my girls as we waited. Emily wanted to dance on the stage while she waited. Lexi kept watching the clock and counting down the time until we started. William nursed and slept.

My excitement grew beyond what I thought was possible when the narrator first spoke through the speakers. The lights dimmed and we were transported into Clara's world. I think I spent a quarter of my time watching my girls as they stared in wonderment at the stage. Their faces glowed with the magic of what they were seeing. My heart glowed with the love I had for them and the joy I had for this experience.



Emily leaned over just a few times to share her thoughts with me.
"Are they going to have a real battle?"
"Which one is Gabby? (more about her later)"
"Snowflakes! Wow! See the snowflakes!"

I watched as they clapped with all their heart. After a brief intermission they switched seats and I got to hear Lexi's reactions.
"what's that kind of dancer mom?" (she asked this as each new dancer came on stage)
"maybe it is a sugarplum mom" (she said this anytime she was unsatisfied with the answer to the above question)
"That was AMAZING!" (when the Russians did their two-man cartwheel)
"They look like angels, are they angels mom?"
"Those are Arabian dancers, why are they called Arabian?" (brief explanation from me) "Yeah, like the Arabian horse"

The show ended and the girls clapped their hearts out. The show was over, but the fun was not. There was going to be a meet and greet with the dancers. I was so excited for my girls to get the chance to meet and talk to some of the dancers they had just watched. My girls first wanted to find Gabby. They had met Gabby Wednesday at the library. Gabby and a couple other dancers (whose names we did not know) came to the library to read to the kids. They also danced for and with the kids. Then they let the kids take pictures with them. That alone would have been good enough, but they took it to the next level. They spoke to each child, learned their names, watched them dance, made them feel like they were there just for that kid. The same feeling of kindness permeated the meet and greet. My girls saw and talked with young dancers, not much older than themselves. They saw Gabby and she took them to meet the sugar plum fairy. Lexi got to tell the Russian dancer how amazing his cartwheel was. Emi was excited that he had the same last name as us. We had brief, but meaningful conversations with several dancers. (I am so upset I decided to leave my camera in the car because I didn't want to try to juggle it and the baby)

Phone picture of the girls before the show started. 

I love opportunities like this to take a favorite memory of mine and experience it anew in the eyes of my children. I hope to make the Nutcracker ballet a tradition for our family. Maybe next year Philip and the boys can come.