Doing It All (scratch that) Nothing At All

I woke up this morning. Fed the baby. Talked to/Skyped with my husband. Fed the baby again. Checked out Facebook and fed the baby. All the while, I was helping the kids as they came to me and needed things. It was a good morning!

And then...

I walked out to this. Apparently when I thought I was doing it all. I was really missing it all. All the fun the kids must have been having to make a mess this grand.

I wanted to freak out. I thought, "oh my goodness, I want to scream!"

And then, I realized. Mir will wake up.

That's it. That is all it took to take me from being on the verge of an emotional volcanic eruption, to a serene (picture taking) mellow pond. I was cool. I was collected. I took care of what I could. I didn't worry about the rest.

Then, Mir woke up. She checked her Facebook and did some other things. And then, she started cleaning my living room. Just like that, no questions asked. No complaint. I told the girls they needed to go clean up the clothes and once they started, Mir was right by their side cleaning too.

There is a special place in Heaven in my heart for Mir. I am always saying I don't know what I would do without her. But it is really so much more than that.

You see, I would have eventually gotten around to cleaning this living room myself. My kids would eventually have diapers changed, hair brushed and food cooked without Mir. I would somehow find a balance- a way to be a "single for deployment" mom of four kids.

But, I don't have to!!!!!

I have an amazing, selfless sister. She leaves behind the life she has established for herself at home and comes to me. She comes to my kids. She becomes a partner with our family; a third mom, the world's best aunt, a "thank God for Mir". (Nater toddler-spoke that last phrase today)

I was thinking about all of this as I took the picture, and later as she went right to cleaning and I thought, I can never repay her. That is when it sunk in. She isn't joking. Every time I thank her for all she does she responds that she will one day have kids and I will get to watch them for her. Today, I realized she means it and I will be babysitting for their entire life to pay her back.

I sure will be glad to do it.

Miranda, You are an amazing sister and a wonderful friend. I love having you here. I love the way you love my kids and take such good care of them. I love the way you are consistent when I can't be. I love that you are so easy going and put up with my indecisiveness. I love that you help out so much in the managing of my house. I love watching TV with you. I love sitting and talking with you. I love having a passenger in the front seat of the van. I love seeing the way my kids love you. Thank you so much for all that you do. For being here for me. For being my friend and sister. You are awesome!

Dear Emily

(I can't believe I am so late with this. I have thought about writing this entry almost daily for almost three weeks now. So here is my very late birthday letter to Emily)

Dear Emily,
Your birthday was almost 3 weeks ago and I feel like you are such a different person at five years old than you were at four! You work hard to make being five work towards your advantage. We often hear, "when I'm five (this new thing), but when I was four (the old way)." You mostly use this to show us how brave you are as a five year old. My favorite is that when you are five, you are not afraid of the dark like you were when you were four, which you say to try to convince yourself not to be afraid. But when we turn out the lights, you still cry (because the dark still is scary).

You at four

You at five

You like to find humor in situations and want to turn tears to laughter. You used to easily fall into my arms and cry things out. Now you want to shrug off your tears and be strong. When you have been crying and find a solution you will create laughter by saying, "tears! Get back in my eyes tears! Not on my face!" You also use the same method to practice self discipline when you are touching things you shouldn't, or hitting or kicking, or really any self discipline. You have a humorous conversation with your offending body part and work hard to make light of the situation. You like to tell and hear jokes. You and your sister share knock-knock jokes and often the punch line is something related to potty humor.
You are a natural mother. You are so nurturing and mothering to all of your siblings. You want to be in charge and, though you mimic me some, you often find your own way of doing things for your siblings. You especially like to help take care of William. Unless, he is crying. Then you bring him straight to me. You want a lot of kids and can't wait to have another sister. (you've decided that next we will have two girls at the same time from the same belly)
Emily, I love being your mom. I love seeing the love and kindness you have inside of you. I love watching as you try so hard to be a better person all the time. I love the clever way your mind works and the ideas you come up with. I love that you are so determined to get your way and that you try to compromise in all things so that you can have your way.

Thank you Emily for being you. Thank you for working so hard to figure out who you are and then having the integrity to be you, no matter how you are different from others. Thank you for loving our family so much. Thank you for trying so hard to take care of and nurture your siblings. You are a wonderful, beautiful person, inside and out. I love you so much! Happy birthday!

Love,
Mom

Magic And Memories

Do you remember the magic of childhood?
I have a lot of memories from when I was a child. My earliest clear memory was when I was only two- and there are a lot of things I remember since then. One of my most magical memories though, has always been remembering the time I saw the Nutcracker ballet. When I was in first grade we went on a field trip to see the Nutcracker. I remember sitting and watching the ballet in awe and wonderment. I recall vividly the excitement I felt as the tree grew above Clara, the merriment of the little dancers coming out from under the tall lady's dress, the nervousness of the battle between the nutcracker and the mouse king, and my distrust of Uncle Drosselmeyer. (It is that memory that makes me sad that I didn't have glasses until third grade because I think of how much better that ballet would have been if I could have seen it). I remember seeing some of the dancing mice in a hallway during the intermission of the show. I was amazed that they were MY age- just kids and they were performing for me. I have loved the Nutcracker ever since!

It is because of this memory that every time I see a billboard, poster, commercial or other advertisement for the Nutcracker a part of me longs to go. It is because of this memory that I decided that once my girls became old enough to appreciate and be able to sit through the performance, I would be taking them to see the Nutcracker. This year, I finally got my chance.

Dance Theater of Tennessee was performing one night only in Clarksville. In addition to that, they were offering a discounted rate for military families. I could take my girls to see the performance for only $30 (just more than what the ticket would cost me at full rate). I wanted to jump for joy, but really, I couldn't. I would have to buy the tickets at the door, and I was not sure I would actually be able to get them. I would allow myself to be truly excited only after I had tickets in my hand. For this reason also, I kept our destination secret from my girls. Try as they did, they could not guess where we would end up.

After a busy day of baking and crafting with good friends, we finally headed out on our date. We stopped first and got some dinner and then pulled up to the University. We had been by the building many times, but had never gone in. They were apprehensive about why we were at such a large building. I explained that it was a college and our date would take place inside. Alexis asked if she could wait outside as she was nervous because, "we aren't really old enough to go to college." As we entered the lobby the girls relaxed and discovered that we would be viewing the Nutcracker ballet. They read and looked through their programs and (not-so-patiently) waited for the house to open. (we had arrived very early due to my desire to get tickets and the girls speedy dinner) At last, the time came and we chose some seats. I sat and talked with my girls as we waited. Emily wanted to dance on the stage while she waited. Lexi kept watching the clock and counting down the time until we started. William nursed and slept.

My excitement grew beyond what I thought was possible when the narrator first spoke through the speakers. The lights dimmed and we were transported into Clara's world. I think I spent a quarter of my time watching my girls as they stared in wonderment at the stage. Their faces glowed with the magic of what they were seeing. My heart glowed with the love I had for them and the joy I had for this experience.



Emily leaned over just a few times to share her thoughts with me.
"Are they going to have a real battle?"
"Which one is Gabby? (more about her later)"
"Snowflakes! Wow! See the snowflakes!"

I watched as they clapped with all their heart. After a brief intermission they switched seats and I got to hear Lexi's reactions.
"what's that kind of dancer mom?" (she asked this as each new dancer came on stage)
"maybe it is a sugarplum mom" (she said this anytime she was unsatisfied with the answer to the above question)
"That was AMAZING!" (when the Russians did their two-man cartwheel)
"They look like angels, are they angels mom?"
"Those are Arabian dancers, why are they called Arabian?" (brief explanation from me) "Yeah, like the Arabian horse"

The show ended and the girls clapped their hearts out. The show was over, but the fun was not. There was going to be a meet and greet with the dancers. I was so excited for my girls to get the chance to meet and talk to some of the dancers they had just watched. My girls first wanted to find Gabby. They had met Gabby Wednesday at the library. Gabby and a couple other dancers (whose names we did not know) came to the library to read to the kids. They also danced for and with the kids. Then they let the kids take pictures with them. That alone would have been good enough, but they took it to the next level. They spoke to each child, learned their names, watched them dance, made them feel like they were there just for that kid. The same feeling of kindness permeated the meet and greet. My girls saw and talked with young dancers, not much older than themselves. They saw Gabby and she took them to meet the sugar plum fairy. Lexi got to tell the Russian dancer how amazing his cartwheel was. Emi was excited that he had the same last name as us. We had brief, but meaningful conversations with several dancers. (I am so upset I decided to leave my camera in the car because I didn't want to try to juggle it and the baby)

Phone picture of the girls before the show started. 

I love opportunities like this to take a favorite memory of mine and experience it anew in the eyes of my children. I hope to make the Nutcracker ballet a tradition for our family. Maybe next year Philip and the boys can come.

Boys Vs. Girls: A Story About Whining

I love learning about and seeing the differences between my girls and my boys. I have two of each (which, by the way does not mean we are done having kids- as many people seem to think even genders should). I grew up with only sisters and, though I was close to male cousins, I didn't have much experience with what boys are like. I am glad I had my girls first so that I could become more comfortable with parenting before being given the trial-blessing of parenting a boy.
There are several things that all of my kids do, but the different genders do it differently; one of these is whining.
My boys whine- even my 3 month old, when things aren't the way he wants them, will let me know by whining. But nothing compares to the dramatic whining of a tired young girl. Here is a sampling of the horrible things that plagued my girls on the way home yesterday:

"I am NOT doing anything. I'm just sitting here crying!"
"My teeth NEVER get loose!"
"You have CURLY hair!"
"I want to get a package!"
"I'm gonna kick you out of the family" and "you are not my sister anymore!"
"I'll let you push me but only if you promise to be kind"

Now reread that in the loudest, whiniest voice you can imagine.

That is the joy of having tired girls.

What are some of your favorite gender differences?

Half A Month Of Gratitude

I love the thought of counting your blessings. I love best that once you start to count them, they quickly overflow. I sometimes have a hard time coming up with one or two things I am grateful for, but after that I quickly come up with several. So I decided that this month I would count my blessings; blessings for each day of the month it is. I've finished 15 days. That is 120 blessings. I've loved counting them. I will copy them from facebook here. Enjoy! What are some of your blessings? Have you ever sat and counted them?

1- I am very grateful to be alive and to have life at this time.
2- I am grateful that I am easily able to nurse my babies. I am also grateful that they wean and I can be done breastfeeding them.
3-  I am thankful for all the times my kids smile. I am grateful that they feel emotions so strongly. I am grateful they are learning to express those emotions.
4- I am thankful for prayer and answers to prayer. I am grateful for an understanding of the role I serve and my husband serves in our marriage. I am grateful that Philip works so hard to provide for his family. I am grateful ( beyond my capacity to express) that I am able to be home with my children to care for and raise them.
5- today is too easy, five things I am grateful for; Philip, Alexis, Emily, Johnathon, and William.
6-  gratitude today will be focused on things I am grateful to Philip for ( cause its still his bday here). I am grateful that Philip does his "chores" ( things like scraping the windshields and taking the trash and filling the gas tank). I am grateful that Philip teaches me about the things he is interested in and does so without making me feel unintelligent. I am grateful that Philip listens

to me and has helped me overcome my depression. I am grateful that Philip let's me plan the rest of my life even though we both know things won't go as planned and then helps me deal with plans changing. I am grateful that Philip makes choices based on what is best for his family. I am grateful that Philip makes me smile. I love my husband!

7- I'm not in a very grateful mood tonight, and that is why I am so happy to do this. I am grateful that I have so much. I am grateful for good friends. I am grateful for internet and the chance it gives me to interact beyond these four walls. I am grateful for prayer. I am grateful for a running vehicle. I am grateful for heat. I am grateful for indoor plumbing. Wow! That was a much quicker seven than I thought it would be. See, once you start counting blessings it exponentially grows.

8- I am grateful that Philip has loving parents who have accepted me as part of their family. I am grateful that my parents are awesome and love Philip too. I am grateful that all of our parents are such great grandparents and show such love and care for my kiddos. I am grateful that I was raised by such wonderful parents, who sacrificed so much for me. I am grateful that I have been taught good values. I am grateful that I have so many examples of good parenting to look up to. I am grateful for my sisters (that includes you Emily). I am grateful to be close to my sisters, they are some of my very best friends!

9- I am grateful for eternal families. I am grateful that mom and dad came to visit. I am grateful for vehicles that get us so easily from one place to another. I am grateful for forgiveness. I am grateful for medicine. I am grateful to be able to learn more about using essential oils to improve our health. I am grateful for things that push my comfort zone. I am grateful for technology that allows me to capture moments in my children's lives. I am grateful for the art of swaddling survivng the generations to be used for my babies.

10- I am very tired, so ten things may be hard. I am grateful for 1. My extended family 2. That I got to grow up close to so many of my cousins 3. That I am learning skills to help me not give in to depression. 4. That placenta really does prevent post partum depression. 5. That I have such great friends. 6. That I'm able to keep in touch with friends that I don't live near anymore. 7. That I have obtained an education. 8. That said education helps me understand my children. 9. That I am not alone in caring for my children. 10. I'm grateful for blankets and pillows.

11-  Today I am grateful that I have a deeper understanding of what being a veteran means. I am grateful for all those who fought for our country's freedom. I am grateful for those who have left their families to go and fight for a cause. I am grateful for the families of those that leave (I have a deep sense of respect for those women who let their husbands leave at a time when they couldn't communica

te with them the way I get to with Philip). I am grateful for those who have sacrificed their lives for a good cause and/or with good intentions. I am grateful that we can look forward to a world of peace. I am grateful to Philip for joining the army when, and for what purpose, he did. I am grateful for the lessons that we have learned from separation. I am grateful that I have always been able to be reunited with my husband. I am grateful that Philip is protected while he is away. I am grateful for all of you that keep us in your prayers- we feel the power of those prayers.

12-  12 things- so my friend challenged me to think of five things about myself that I am thankful for. Since I am doing 12 instead of five, I will be straying from her intentions some. Heavenly Father has given each of His children such great potential here are some things that He has given me and helped me develop: 1. My body- which I love and is healthy and good at doing its jobs. 2. a mind that has

a capacity to learn and remember. 3. love, I really feel such great love for everyone I am glad that has always been easy for me. 4.an ability to understand how people are feeling- this one could use more work, but I usually get people. 5. contentment, I don't often need much to feel happy. 6. The companionship of the Holy Ghost- I couldn't be me or do the things I do without this one. 7. a trusting nature 8. a sure testimony and easy acceptance for truth 9. foresight and an ability to learn from others' examples 10. a sense of humor -that one may be more from my mom, I surely am a carla jr. when it comes to what is and isn't funny. 11. a high pain tolerance- I am hoping this one rings true for tomorrow's tooth removal and recovery 12. an ability to listen to people

13- apparently getting my wisdom teeth pulled and being on narcotics caused me to skip a day :(

14- Nov. 14- I am grateful for gender and being a girl. I am grateful to have my girls and my boys- to experience being a mother to both genders. I am grateful that my girls came first. I am grateful to be able to learn about gender so tha

t I can better understand my husband (there's nothing wrong with him, he's just a boy). I am grateful for toys and games that please my kids. I am grateful for maps and gps. I am grateful that my parents were able to come out and return home safely and for all that they did while they were here. I am grateful for my ability to see. I am grateful for glasses that help with that. I am grateful for organ donors. I am grateful that dad has been able to receive his kidneys. I am grateful for the law of opposition. I am grateful for hunger and satisfaction. I am grateful for soft foods that don't hurt my teeth (tooth sockets, actually).

15- Patience. I was grateful that my family is forgiving of me when I lose mine. I am grateful for the free bookshelves we got off craigslist. I am grateful for the means to organize and put things in order. I am grateful for homeschooling. I am grateful for the craft and teaching supplies we have. I am grateful for my stand mixer. I am grateful for cupcake liner

s. I am grateful for google image searches (I could not be nearly as "creative" without it). I am grateful that I can teach my kids to clean and to value cleanliness. I am grateful nobody in my family freaks out when things don't stay clean. I am grateful for libraries. I am grateful for library drop-boxes. I am grateful for carseats and seat belts. I am grateful that Mir gets up with the kids in the morning on days that I can't.

 

and who knew it would take me 4 days to copy and paste these to the blog. here are a few more...

 

16- I am grateful for shopping carts. I am grateful for kindness from strangers. I am grateful for creativity. I am grateful to be able to create for my kids (in specific). I am grateful to witness the bond between my kids and their dad. I am grateful for Mir and her non-breastmilk smell (William somewhat takes a pacifier from her). I am grateful for vacuum cleaners. I am grateful for soap. I am grateful for a washing machine. I am grateful for fast food restaurants. I am grateful for bank (debit) cards. I am grateful for online bill pay. I am grateful for hot glue guns. I am grateful for mouse traps. I am grateful for cribs. I am grateful for scriptures.

17- can't find this one either.

18-  It's not even yet halfway through this day and my heart is overflowing with gratitude. I am grateful for diapers that hold in messes. I am grateful for a comfortable hoodie. I am grateful for breakthrough conversations with Philip- for communicating. I am grateful for the scripture stories and lessons they teach. I am grateful to know that God is my Heavenly Father. I am grateful to know that He l

oves me. I am grateful for the Holy Ghost and being able to feel the love the Godhead has for me. I am grateful for church and a strong ward family. I am grateful for the primary children. I am grateful that they share their sweet and pure testimonies. I am grateful for the leaders in our church. I am grateful for those who serve with love. I am grateful for hymns- especially primary songs that teach and celebrate such wonderful truths of the gospel. I am grateful for my Savior. I am grateful for the atonement. I am grateful to be able to reflect on my Savior during sacrament. I am grateful that William finished nursing in time for me to be able to take the sacrament. I am grateful for the peace that comes from righteous doing.

 

 

October Crafting

We did some really fun crafts this October. The house guest friends joined in.

I made a skirt for me and leggings for the baby.

 We colored small pumpkins. That turned into rollers.

We carved large pumpkins.

We made Jack o'lantern snow globes.

And we made our costumes for trunk or treat.

Months Two And Three Photo Shoots

Here are months two and three. Love seeing this boy grow!

Two:

Three: